day 12: how you found out about tumblr and why you made one
i found out about tumblr about one and a half year ago. it was during the summer, and i stumbled upon my old friend’s tumblr: thebestdogtor. i was using blogspot to blog at that time, but i created one to follow her posts and stuff :) it was very interesting, and i remember my first post was the song vanilla twilight by owl city. that was before it was super popular and i just absolutely loved that song. i continued to use blogspot at that time, but sign on occassionally on tumblr. then the following christmas, those5letters and i decided to use tumblr to blog instead because it’s much easier to upload pictures, audio, and blog. it was the best. i guess i made a tumblr to blog and vent about my life. it makes me feel a lot better afterwards. i continue to do so to this day :)
keep this in mind, one day, there's going to be a guy who's going to love you, your body, your smile, the way you walk, the way you talk, he's going to love you. and you're going to feel confident and on top of the world. one day, you won't feel insecure because you have someone who loves you for who you are. and i think that's when you know it's love. when instead of feeling like you have to hide your flaws, and feel insecure and embarrassed, you feel unashamed, free, secure, safe, proud, happy, confident. you feel loved.
waking up to your text automatically makes my day a good one. reading your text throughout the day makes me smile. getting your "make a wish" text at exactly 11:11 makes me feel warm to my toes. and staying up just to wait for your good night text is worth it because the feeling it leaves me creates sweet dreams.
is it better to go with what your heart wants even if you know you'll regret it later? or is it better to lie to yourself and follow what your mind tells you to do? we all experience this kind of feeling where we feel like we're splitting into two, we just don't know which road to take. cause in the end the outcome will always be the same, either we regret following our heart or we regret listening to our mind. life just seems like a lose-lose situation sometimes.
i spent majority of today working on english proj with my group.
it took forever, and we have the hardest topic. we were able to finish but i felt like we only did an adequate job. if we had more time, i think we could have done better. it’s just that everyone’s busy, and we don’t have a lot of time to work on it together. so this is my day. i woke up at around 8, but felt so tired and easily fell asleep. i snoozed till 1130 !! :) it was the first time in a very long time that i woke up this late. and it felt so, so good. i have a weird thing where i tend to wake up extremely early. but i guess the whole week of school, problems, stress, etc. really got to me. i felt so good when i woke up. all my problems were gone, and it felt absolutely wonderful. i took a shower, ate lunch, and found out my internet is dead. but there’s wifi around my area so i still had my laptop :) so i called up at&t and then went to ryan’s house to work on our proj. he has so much pets !! there were three dogs, two turtles, and two cats !! : D they were really nice but the dogs were pretty hyper. and all of them scared me at one point. maybe i’m just very easily scared. by the time we left, i was exhausted. it was like 5, and i went home and showered, ate, and took an hour to read one page of the SAT book. ugh, it’s so boring. then i watched harry potter and the chamber of secrets on dvd :) i’m having a harry potter marathon this week !! i’m missing the fifth dvd though .. i don’t know where it is :( sad face. i hope i find it soon. then i stumbled through my blogspot, and as i looked through it, i found a post on my birthday. it was made the midnight of my birthday, and as i looked at it, i got really sad. i realize the reason i was sad is because those were the birthday wishes my friends had sent me. and many of those friends i have talked to last year .. i don’t often talk to now. i’ve realize we all have changed immensely during that one year. and then i wonder what it will be like this year.
so i did take some pictures today, but tired and lazy as i am, i decided not to upload them on here.
i'm sick of pissed off people saying they're 'depressed' and 'want to die'. they don't know the meaning of depressed. depressed isn't crying for ten minutes because you and your boyfriend had a fight. it's not feeling low occasionally or feeling like giving up. it's when everything that once made you happy doesn't, it's wanting to be alone all the time and isolating yourself day in and day out, depression is sadness to the extent that you feel so suffocated by your emotions that shutting yourself off from the world seems like the only way it will ever stop.
i'm a dork. i get upset over nothing, and excited over everything. i talk too fast, i laugh too long. i'm overall an awkward person. but that's me. that's who i am. if you don't like it, that's your problem.
because he's been a major part of your life, of course you'll miss him. it's perfectly normal. it's like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out, you're relieved. but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? probably a hundred times a day. just because it was hurting you does not mean you don't notice it. it leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. it's going to take awhile, but it takes time. should you have kept the tooth? no, because it was causing you pain. pulling the tooth out was the right decision, but it's going to hurt.
there will be always people who don't like you; the way you look, the way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress, the things you believe in, the music you listen to but truth is: it's up to you if you let them ruin your day or if you learn to stand up for yourself and accept yourself just the way you are. try to be as good as you can and if that's not enough for them, it will certainly be for someone else. you're not here to please anyone. just be nice and true to yourself.
i miss how we used to talk about endless things and when it was time to leave we didn't want to say good bye even though it was good bye till the next day. now it's totally different, we almost never speak and when we do i try to ignore you, i really do. but there's something that always pulls me back to you. and i don't think this will ever end.