am i, really ? my day was alright. i can’t say it sucked, but it does. we went to ahs after school because it was collab day for our games. and we won hands down. but i don’t know what’s up with me today. i won all my games but i feel down. we won overall but i feel down. first period boring. second period ugh. third period wtf. fourth period alright. fifth period registration. out in the hallways, steven finally opened my eyes .. and i can finally see the significance gpa can be for college. i mean, there i was having a dream .. and not doing my homework or really caring. i know i should; i hear it from my parents all the time. but i just thought .. they were doing their job, you know ? but that moment just all at once hit me, and i thought, ” shit i’m screwed ” ! but he’s like, it’s not too late. you can do it. start now. and at that moment i believed that could happen. it will happen, cause i will make it happen. and then with that, i was called into the office to organize my schedule for next year. my most concerning subject is math and science. what was i suppose to take after chemistry ? there are so many options, but what is best. i hate math but that’s physics. i don’t like looking at microscopes cause they look alike but that’s microbio ! i don’t like drawing a bunch of pictures but that’s required in physio ! but he’s like, physics. you can do it, choose regular. and .. i did. cause he pinky promised me he’d help me. and math .. it depends on me. and right now it seems like the outcome isn’t good. but i want to change that. and i will. and i guess i don’t have much to say. during lunch emmelynn opened the door and it happens my foot was there and now i have a huge bruise. flats :(
“there are moments when i wish i could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but i have a feeling that if i did, the joy would be gone as well. so i take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever i can.”—nicholas sparks, dear john (via anditslove) (via 27214107627)
“i want a guy who would put ice cream on my nose, who will wrestle with me, who would show me off to his friends and family, who treats me with respect and cares for me, who will call me at anytime just to tell me he can’t stop thinking about me, who sings to me even if he can’t, a guy who is capable of breaking my heart, but wouldn’t dare too.”—(via letstalkshit-)
distance is not for the fearful. it is for the bold. it is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. it is for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.
go ahead, come into my life and just leave. but, remember one thing, who was there for you when you really needed someone? who was there to listen to you? who put you before themselves? that's right, me. so, good luck finding someone else who will deal with you like i did.
don’t feel like thinking of a title. today is one of those bad days ! :/ nothing good happens and it’s not normal. it was cloudy throughout the day with a few rays of sunshine during lunch. eh, the weather is so strange. it’s 935 and i haven’t done any homework. oh darn homeworks :( i have no motivation to do it. i think guys who are gamefreaks are a turn off. HAHA girls too. but i don’t go that way. first period was eh. the smell of tar leaks through our only window and it stinks. and second was dreadful. so thankful when it was over. no sub for lien today boo. he’s an asshole. we got like 25 new mando words/phrases and barely even recognize that shit and quiz friday. fuck you. fourth was bareable. fifth was cool. sixth was eh. and practice was okay. ups and downs. ahs game tomorrow : D yay .. i’m playing singles. boo. then pasadena on thursday. i love away games. oh, chea thanks for letting me borrow your last year’s size small t-shirt till the end of season. so far i only wore it once .. but i need it this thursday cause we have two consecutive days where we have to play and i think it’d be disgusting if i have to wear it twice : D ! oh, so that feeling i have skyrocketed. i’m so nervous sometimes. it freaks me out. how annoying. and you’re always the one to end the conversation first. thanks man. uhm .. i think it’s extremely awkward when people you know follow you on tumblr. i’m fine with everyone but if you suddenly out of the blue get one because you suddenly think it’s cool to have one .. yeah. i will feel restricted to what i’m typing. like right now .. well anyways, i hope everyone else’s day is better.
Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.
“love is a temporary madness. it erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. and when it subsides you have to make a decision. you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. because this is what love is. love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. that is just being “ in love ” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. your mother and i had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”—(via lovejia) (via crazyxladyx3)
“but when i look in the mirror, i see a girl who’s been through so much, and yet, still finds a way to smile at the past. she still loves with all her heart, or what’s left of it. and when you see her walking in the hallway i can guarantee you she’ll have her head up high, faking a smile just one more time. and for all those people who try to break her, trust me; you never will.”—(via poeticheartache) (via l0veanne)
my dog didn’t eat it definitely. cause i don’t have a dog. where is it !? it was yesterday’s assignment and i finished it yesterday .. just needed to graph a few parts and now i can’t find it. i would really hate to redo that whole thing again and i’m desperate for points in that class. why is it always math that makes me miserable ? i am doing decent in my other classes ! :( boo. well anyways, i was suppose to get my glasses yesterday .. but my dad forgot that they called and i asked him about it today and he’s like oh yeah ! :/ and when i went to pick `em up .. the place closed at 5 :( darns, and now i hope to get them tomorrow. i chose a classic frame black and everything cause i know imma probably toss them around and not really take care of them :X so i didn’t want to make it super nice with designs and stuff. this song, solo is really stuck in my head. i heard it on someone’s page and i’m like, ” wow i loved this song a few months back ! ” or sometime ago. don’t remember. don’t you love relistening to the songs you love ?